Always There For Me
by CBloom2
Summary: One shot continuation from last nights episode. Focusing on Cal coping after the second of Zoe's dreams. Loved the caring Cal moments. Of course, I have to slot a bit of Ethan too seeing as he wasn't there at all last night :(


**Ok, so no Ethan this week :( - but we did get some great Cal moments - even if they were only in Zoe's dreams. I love seeing him care so much as opposed to his usual self obssessed character. So for this story I'm going to pick up on that and obviously find a place to slip in some brotherly comfort, because let's face it, over the next few episodes I don't think that there is going to be much in the way of brotherly fluffness between them, which actually makes me a little sad as I liked the fact that they were getting on better.**

**Anyway onwards to the story - I don't own anyone you recognise, I just dust them off and make them cry now and again!**

**Always There To Catch Me**

Cal stumbled through the door to the flat, just as dawn had broken over Holby. He had had the shift from hell last night and would have loved nothing more than to have gone straight to the pub and drink away the memories of that shift, but because it had been the night shift, the pub was not an option.

He glanced at the clock - 5am. He sighed deeply knowing that his brother would be up soon, eager and ready to take on whatever the E.D had to throw at him. The young doctor filled the coffee machine and set it going, hoping that he could get to his room before his younger brother emerged - he just wanted to sleep. He quickly poured his coffee and dashed to his room, closing the door just as he heard the padding of his brother's bare feet down the corridor past his room.

Suddenly there was a gentle knock on his door, followed by his brothers blonde head, "Good morning - everything ok?" Ethan asked. Cal couldn't bring himself to answer. Nothing was ok, nothing at all.

"Tough shift?" Ethan tried again. Cal turned towards the younger man, desperately trying to muster a smile, "You could say that!" His voice sounded hoarse. Ethan, for his part, could see right away that something had happened on shift that had affected his brother deeply, "You off today?" he asked.

The older man nodded, "Well you make sure you get some rest. You look like you've been through the wringer."

When the older man didn't offer an answer, Ethan decided to leave him to his thoughts, "Can I get you anything?"

Cal dropped his head slightly as he shook it, "No thanks...I just need to sleep."

"Ok, I should be home about 6ish so I'll pick up something for dinner."

With that, the door closed and he was alone.

Three hours later, his coffee untouched, Cal was still wide awake. His brain had decided that it wasn't going to switch off. Trouble was that not only had he spent the last few hours running through every possible scenario on what he could've done differently to save the girl or the mother of the baby, he also kept coming back to the more immediate screw up in his life - his stealing money from his little brother - and also why hadn't Taylor answered any of his texts? He ended up getting out of bed and slumping on the sofa, in the vain hope that daytime tv would send him to sleep. His phone beeped, alerting him to a message. Hoping that it was Taylor, Cal eagerly opened it only to sigh in disappointment when he saw that it was from Ethan, '_On a break - hope you're resting - if not try daytime tv, always works for me! Please don't be sitting there going through the what if's! Take care, E'_

Cal threw the phone on the sofa, immediately feeling guilty at being disappointed that the text had come from his caring brother checking up on him, instead of his supposed to care girlfriend to whom he had sent numerous texts that morning. Knowing that there was nothing more he could do, he stretched out on the sofa, willing sleep to come.

Ethan was worried about his brother. He hadn't been his normal self that morning. When he had arrived at work earlier, he had been greeted by an exhausted looking Robyn and Lofty asking if Cal was alright. When Ethan had looked at them confused by their question, they filled him in on Cal's shift. Ethan felt sad for his brother. Shifts like that always played on your mind and he knew that his brother would be laid at home replaying everything in his head, trying to see where he went wrong or if there had been something else that he could've done. Ethan wanted to talk to him, to let him get it out, but as usual in the busy ED, work swallowed him up straight away. He managed to snatch a quick five minute break, so he used the time to text Cal, his concern rising when he didn't receive an answer, which meant that the rest of his shift flew by in a haze of anxiety for his brother.

At the end of his rather uneventful shift, Ethan quickly called at the shops to pick up the ingredients for Cal's favourite meal. He let himself quietly into the flat in case Cal was still asleep. He could hear the tv playing so he walked into the living room, assuming that Cal was awake. He stopped short when he saw his brother asleep on the sofa. Immediately he could tell that it wasn't a restful sleep. His head was moving side to side slightly, his forehead was creased and his jaw was clenched. Ethan sighed as he made his way to the kitchen to start preparing the food. He was not used to seeing this side of his brother and what concerned him the most was would he be able to help him?

"Something smells good," Ethan nearly dropped the pan in surprise.

"God Cal, give a guy a heart attack why don't you!"

He couldn't help but smile slightly when he saw the smirk on his brother's face, "Sorry," Cal muttered, "WHat have we got?" He enquired as he lifted the lid on the pan. He glanced at his brother in surprise when he saw the contents, "I just had a bad shift...I'm not falling apart," he told him, although knowing that Ethan was making his favourite meal to try to make him feel better, did make him feel quite emotional.

"Robyn and Lofty told me what happened," Ethan told him, "Look, it will be ready soon - why don't you go and freshen up and I'll dish up when you come back."

Cal nodded his head and quickly left.

Half a hour later saw the two young men sat at the table with two clean plates - both nursing a glass of wine and both acutely aware that the elephant in the room was looming large.

"Did you manage to sleep well?" Ethan asked, deciding to break the silence.

"Eventually. Daytime tv helped," Cal mumbled, causing Ethan to smile a little.

"Let me guess, your brain wouldn't shut down. You kept going over it again and again, wondering if you could've or should've done something different - am I close?" Ethan stared earnestly at his brother.

"Yeah, something like that..." Cal ground out as he gulped his wine.

"Come on Cal, talk to me. I know we've had our issues over the years, but we seem to be getting through those. You can trust me - I'm here for you," Ethan pressed, hating to see his brother struggle so much.

The younger man was surprised to see a tear snake down his brother's face, "I know you are Ethan - I'm sorry..." He swiped at his face, "I know I did everything I could, everyone said so, but she was just a little child, somebody's baby! How is that even fair? There must have been something else that I could've done..." He swiped once more at his face as fresh tears fell, "It's times like this when I question why I'm even a doctor at all."

Ethan was taken aback by his brother's display of raw emotion. This was new to him and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it. He got up, walked round the table and actually put his arm around the older man's shoulders, "Cal you are a great doctor. You work from the heart as well as the head - you're the full package, so to speak. You certainly are an asset to the ED."

Cal was shaking his head, crying openly now. Ethan could feel tremors running through his brother's body as his emotions overflowed, "Cal?" Ethan was a loss - was there something else going on?

Cal sniffed, "You're always there for me Ethan, even though it should be the other way round and I love you for that, but...there's something I need to tell you..." his voice broke as he tried to swallow a sob. He turned to his brother, his expression was one of terror and shame, taking Ethan's breath away, "Cal...what? You're actually starting to scare me now!"

He took a deep, quivering breath, "Oh Ethan," he breathed, "I've made the biggest mistake of my life..."

**You know when stories take a completely different direction? That's what kind of happened here. It was just going to be a one shot about Cal's reaction to the 'shift from hell' with a little brotherly comfort, then it morphed into Cal having to get everything off his chest.**

**From what I've read on Digital Spy, it's next week when Ethan finds out about the money and it also said that Taylor goes missing...surprised?**

**I really want Ethan to be supportive of his brother (once he's thrown a fit and probably thrown Cal out of the flat) because if Taylor had done a runner, he's going to need support and I hope that he gets it from his only family!**

**Anyway, hope this was ok. Looking forward to reading everyone else's stories!**


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